Monday 3 December 2007

When two become one

After getting married and moving here in the Netherlands, my husband and I have shared a mutual account where all or our income are deposited and all of our expenses are disbursed. This works for both of us really, we only have a separate account for our savings but this account is also mutual.

Recently, I wasn’t really sure how our “chika” shifted to bank accounts, but this colleague of mine was so surprised to learn that my husband and I actually have a mutual account. He even commented “so he trusts you huh”. The hell… of course he does! This discussion made me think of marriages and funds. As far as I could remember, I have always believed that when a couple marries, they are no longer two individuals but one. I also know that a lot of people believe this same ideology. If that is the case, does that mean that a lot of people believe that when a couple marries, they become one but their bank accounts remain separate and distinct from each other? And if that is so, when we marry, is there a silent rule that tells us which areas in our married life should be lived as one and which matters should remain separate? Another question that bugs me in this scenario is how you share your expenses if you don’t have a mutual account? Would you start accounting for the expenses in the house and split it between you?

While I was blog hopping the other night, another article relating to this same topic piqued my attention. The writer mentioned in her blog that a couple who keeps tab of their individual income is actually a sign of maturity. I was appalled, does this mean that Junfer and I are immature when it comes to handling our finances?

Ironic as it is being a CPA and all but I hate discussions about keeping tab of income and expenses. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for budgeting our money and saving for future needs but to actually discuss who should pay for this or that, I believe, is just so irrelevant as far as being a couple is concerned because at the end of the day, whatever is mine is my husbands as well and whatever is his is mine (although, I always tease him and tell him that what is his is mine and what is mine is mine alone… hehe). On some level, I agree with the blogger’s point when she said that keeping tab of individual income actually saves them a lot of discussions (and sometimes heated arguments), especially in that way, they can each spend on things that the other thinks is impractical. However, at the top of my head I just can’t help but feel that having separate accounts to spend on things that you like is just circumventing an argument by not disclosing a fact altogether (which in this case is the purchase however significant or insignificant it might be). It’s like saying that what one doesn’t know can’t hurt him. But, is that the right way to go? Junfer and I also have our share of differences of opinion in that respect. Some of the things that Junfer likes to splurge on are the very same things that I feel we should scrimp on, if not completely do away with (this scenario is almost never reciprocated with me since Junfer is almost always tolerant of me and the things that I like to splurge on – is it a woman’s thing – I don’t know). But each time we are met with this situation, we always find a way of compromising. If that’s not a sign of maturity, I don’t know what is.

In the end, the question on whether to have a mutual or separate account can only be answered by the couple themselves. What may work for one might not be effective for another. I think the important thing is that whatever choice a couple makes, it was made consensually.